Caring for a Loved One

 For a couple of months now I have been caring for the love of my life. He has been very ill, in and out of the hospital and even been intubated at on time.

I have only been able to work 2 days in more than 2 months. I have been doing all I can to care for him and even canceled and rescheduled appointments for myself.

The things we are willing to do for our loved ones are not done for recognition or praise, they are done out of love. We do them to help those we love and care for, the ones we can't imagine a day with out them in our life.

But there are those moments when we just need a break, a breath of fresh air, a minute to ourselves. But when we do this we feel guilty. At least I do, I feel like I am being selfish and I know I shouldn't.

I hate that if I take out the garbage, I feel like I am being a bad care giver. If I go to the store for more than 5 or 10 minutes, I feel like he is going to think bad of me... None of which is true.

 Even if I go take a shower, I feel like I need to wait until he is asleep, so if he needs me I am there. Then I feel like I have to hurry my shower in case he wakes and needs my help. All of these are my own thoughts and insecurities. 

He loves me and knows all I try to do for him. He knows that I love him more than anything and I make every effort to make certain he is cared for first. His well being comes before my own, and that often makes him feel bad. 

So if you ever find yourself in the situation of caring for a loved one, please, don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself. Don't feel selfish about getting some fresh air or taking a long shower. You are important too, and if you don't take care of yourself, and something happens, then you won't be able to take care of your loved one.

So with that, please love each other, and love yourself.

A Little Advice

 I received this message asking for a little advice...

Dear MyRaven,

 Recently my mommy and I had an argument and she said some things to me that were very hurtful. I hope that she didn't mean them but she has never apologized or anything. During our argument she said she wished she had never had me and that she should have aborted me. Needless to say I dwell on these but I don't know what to do. She now acts like everything is fine, but how am I to know if she really meant these horrible things?

Truly Yours, Confused P.C

My Dear Confused P.C,

  People often say things in anger or frustration that they don't mean and often never even recall saying these things. That being said, I am not trying to say I have any clue what she may or may not have meant, but if you are truly bothered by these statements, as I can uderstand most anyone would be, then I would say have a sit down conversation with her. Let her know that some of those things said were very hurtful and you would like to clear the air. Let her know how you feel. The key to a good relationship with anyone is communication.

In today's world that seems to be something that is missing from a lot of relationships. Be the one that opens the channel and begin the discussion. Be sure to let her know you are not trying to start a fight or argument, you just want to talk and clear up some things that are weighing on your mind.

No matter what happens, remember to be calm. 

Sincerely yours,

 MyRaven

Girl Names : 1

 Some months ago a friend and I started collecting names.

We have gathered them from public records, cemeteries, and from a number of other places.

So since I recently created this Blog I have decided, with her permission of course, to start posting some of them here.

So I have decided to post them Randomly, 13 names at a time.

Don't bother trying to figure out why I chose 13 as the number of names, there is no hidden meaning to it, just a random number that came into my head.

So with that, let's begin....

1.    Aaliee

2.    Addison

3.    Aguas

4.    Alessandra

5.    Alisa

6.    Alycia

7.    Amie

8.    Angela

9.    Anne

10.  Ariel

11.  Ashlae

12. Astrid

13. Ava

These are just a few of the many names we have collected for females. 

All in a Day

 We all live our lives, looking and waiting for the next moment, that next exciting event or great achievement. 

When in reality what we should really do is live for and cherish the present moment and strive toward a happy tomorrow.

I came to realize this with the illness of a loved one. He became ill, was intubated and his recovery is going to be a long road.

With this in mind I have learned to cherish every moment. Whether it be sharing a meal, watching a TV show, or just listening to him breath and softly snore while he sleeps. Every single second I have with him means the world to me.

I now realize that tomorrow is not promised and that those you love and care for can be taken away in the blink of an eye. It can happen so unexpectedly that it can shatter your view of reality.

With this, I ask that all who read this, please take a moment, tell your friends and family that you love them. Let them know what they mean to you, cherish every second that you have with them. Because tomorrow is never promised.

Be kind to one another and share life with each other.

With that said, learn to love yourself and others.

Simple Advice

 I received a message asking for advice...

" Dear MyRaven, 

    I am currently in a situation where I don't know what to do... My husband is never home and when he is, he is not interested in anything involving the family. I am afraid he is having an affair... What should I do? I know my daughter loves her daddy, but he doesn't seem concerned with her. I appreciate your advice. 

Sincerely, Heartbroken B.R"

Dear Heartbroken B.R,

    Remember one thing, your daughter deserves better. You have to do what is best for your daughter and for you. If you have tried talking to him and nothing has changed, and you seriously feel that this is a situation that isn't going to change, then you need to take action. Tell him that things have to change and he needs to be more attentive to your daughter and be the daddy she needs. Then let him know you need your husband in your life. If this still doesn't change anything, then you may consider the alternative, and that is to leave. You and your daughter deserve to have someone that loves and cares for you and is an active participant in family life. Absentee parents that live in the same home cause more harm to a child's life than good. Where if you and he part ways and live separately, the child is often upset in the beginning, but will soon adjust and often excel in life because they have seen how strong one parent can be. 

So just remember, you and your daughter deserve a life filled with love and happiness, so that should be your goal. Focus on the future and what you need to do to achieve that goal. 

Best wishes to you and hugs for you both!

Yours Truly,

 MyRaven

Welcome to MyRavenSays

 Welcome to my site. 

Here you will find advice given on email requests, random quotes, and personal blog posts. 

Life often throws things at us that make no sense, we as humans naturally try and rationalize what is the reason and what we can do about it. That is just our nature, sometimes we need to deal with the reality, that things beyond our control happen and we just need to deal with them. 

Learning to deal with life as it comes is something that society today has trouble with. They feel they are in complete control of everything, so when the bad befalls them, they become angry and can't think through what needs to be done to make it through.

I say this simply because I have and am dealing with life's issues that often feel intolerable. I  have no family to lean on, but I do have some amazing friends who help as much as they can. To them I can never say thank you enough.

With all of this said, I just wanted to start my own space where I can voice my thoughts and feelings, share the emails and messages I receive, and the advice I give to those who ask. I pride myself on not reacting emotionally and being rational in my thoughts. I try to be helpful and supportive to my friends and others in need. 

So if anyone reading this has a question or needs advice, please feel free to ask. I will do all I can to help.

With that said, learn to love yourself and others.